Gravity vs The Disabled Bride

I know I've mentioned before how the logistics of my disability get lost in the fantasy of an event sometimes. I imagine the dress, the groom, the dancing, but not the horrible balance. I imagine tables full of guests, beautiful bridesmaids, but not needing my crutches or wheelchair. More accurately I imagined them off and on over the time I've been engaged. Now that we're just shy of two months away...Oy! Those considerations are on my mind.

I actually got an email from a blog fan (which I adore! I can't tell you how much it means to hear people read and appreciate the blogs) with her beautiful wedding pictures. She only used her wheelchair for the reception and said she only fell once. All the sudden it hit me, falling...Gosh Darn It. When I was in high school I did a lot of theatre and my mom always told me she'd spend shows anxious that I'd fall. I never fell on stage in high school, or college (maybe once or twice at an audition). Never-the-less, I'm suddenly anxious about a face plant in front of my guests.

I texted my bridesmaids and made them swear an oath that if I fell they wouldn't record it on their phones and upload it to YouTube. A million hits later I'm the "falling bride" for-ever! It would be beyond embarrassing. Suddenly, I worried that hiring a videographer was a bad plan. The girls promised, of course they're not the ones I really worry about. Then I decided if I go down they should all throw themselves to the ground to create a distraction! Perfect, solution: fake earthquake.

In all seriousness, I'm still getting used to my body since the surgery and I haven't a clue how likely a fall would be. I'm glad it occurred to me early so I could fret about it and get it out of my system now. I decided as always the biggest obstacle to staying on my feet will be fatigue. So, I'll get my new crutches Monday and practice with them a ton before the wedding. I'll have my wheelchair for back-up too. On the day of I plan not to be on my feet at all before the the ceremony. Thanks to the wheelchair, planning ahead and awesome bridesmaids I'm sure I can pull it off.

Here's hoping there's no nose dives, at least by the bride, on the wedding day. Any guests reading this feel free to throw yourselves on the ground in solidarity too.

***First Ever Cross Post! Read it here or Hedgehog Blog: Riley's Mommy Walks Funny

Disabled Bride vs The Uninformative

When I started this blog I did some message board surfing and found pictures from two beautiful weddings where the bride happened to be disabled. I largely forgot the weddings of other disabled brides except for the occasional image search. It occurred to me a few weeks before the hip surgery (while Google-ing myself, busted.) to see what was out there as far as advise for a bride who happens to be physically disabled. Boy, was I disappointed!

I assumed I'd find some posts about adapting the aisle walking and dancing elements. Perhaps overcoming height differences in photos. Something, anything practical that I may not have thought of. Nope.

One of the first links was this ditty Enabling Disabled Brides on getting married's website. Let's start from the beginning, I hate the title it sounds like a bad work place seminar, ick. Their first gem? Tell the venue what you need. That seems to apply to every bride, no? Doesn't every wedding have it's own unique needs? Sigh.

Their second piece of advice: Go see you're venue. Yup, I think that one is universal too. Whether you're looking for ramps and elevators or the number of outlets every couple should take a stroll around the venue. Obviously, you want to enjoy you're own party. The way they talk I have an image in my head of a bride in a wheelchair sitting at the bottom of the steps of a beautiful old cathedral unable to get to her groom. I hope this kind of thing doesn't happen. If it did you better be marrying someone would would bring the ceremony to you.

The third piece of advice is something I talk about ALL the time. Screw "Supposed To's". You don't HAVE TO walk down an aisle. Your guests don't HAVE TO stand. You don't HAVE TO wear a long dress. You don't Have TO have a first dance. That being said if you want it, adapt. Most of us with life long disabilities are professional adapters by now. Don't get sucked into the wedding etiquette and the expectations of others. I want to see eye to eye with my groom. So, either I get higher of he sits, both are good solutions. I don't want to walk down the aisle so we're using semicircle seating.

There's plenty of adaptation going on not at all related to my disability too. I don't want a cocktail hour because it's a weekday evening and everyone will be hungry so we're doing group photos before the ceremony. Neither of us was keen on being stared at while we danced with our parents alone so we're doing it together. We don't have a lot of unmarried friends so we're doing a "lucky" bouquet/garter toss for everyone instead. You get the picture, make the wedding fit you not the other way around.

Their last piece of advice approaches usefulness and much like the article itself falls short. Talk to your photographer?!? Yes, please all brides everywhere talk to the person who is going to capture your day for eternity. Talk to the person who out of the kindness of their heart or a big check is documenting one of the biggest days of your life. Be specific and get their professional feedback. As far as this article's horribly vague assertion to "mix it up...play with different set-ups" specific examples or actual picture would be very helpful here!

Just so you know it's not all vague advice written by the able bodied I did find this lovely Dear Abby responding to a disabled bride's worries about her wedding day. It echoes the what I was just saying, don't bang your head against the wall trying to "fit" make it yours. It's great advice for your wedding and life in general.

In conclusion I leave with pictures from a wedding I found on the knot (shocking I know) featuring a disabled couple. Wheelchair Wedding

My Real Wedding from The Knot and The Nest.